Concepts of Time
by Aerys Eli
Summary: River longs to be seen as something more than a child. But a misunderstood thought from Mal and some midnight dreams become far more troublesome than anyone could have predicted. Eventual MalRiver. Not as squicky as it seems.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Firefly, nor do I have any rights to any of the characters or properties in the following story unless otherwise distinguished. The song "Sunlight" is the property of Natalie Imbruglia.**

_**Concepts of Time  
**_

_**Prologue: Child  
**_

_Today we don't know  
Who we are  
Ashamed, hiding behind the scars  
Too many times  
We let the things we feel  
Get in the way of letting us  
Heal the wounds  
That open in the dark_

"River? Are you okay? You aren't eating." Simon looked at his sister worriedly. She didn't respond. "...mei mei? Are you even listening to me?"

She shot him an impatient look. "A girl's mind is full. Images like lightening agains the clouds. Flashing. Invading. Flooding. Full." Her muttering faded until it was too faint for him to hear. The only thing that let him know she was still speaking was the way her lips were moving quickly, almost reciting poetry to herself.

"Preoccupied. Absorbed in thought, engrossed, excessively concerned, distracted, formerly occupied, already used and therefore unavailable for further use. Her mind is flooding. Social concepts of feminine beauty. Straight nose, smooth skin, full lips, big eyes, long lashes. Lashes of a whipe that drives a man to a girl." River glanced up. Her neck was itching. Someone was looking at her. It took less than a second to find who it was. Silly people with their concepts of time. He was sitting at the far end of the table. to the others he may have seemed to be staring into space, but she knew. She always knew. His blue eyes met her deep ones and he flinched away quickly. His thoughts were quiet. She had to strain to get at them over the tumult of the others' minds.

She smiled softly and looked down at her plate of protein-based food. "Not appealing to any of the senses" she mumbled, shoving he plae away from her. Ever the mother figure, Simon pushed it back, insisting she eat something.

"No! Cannot eat. Eat adds weight. In her mind she wants the perfect body she already has. Clients insist. He worships the ground she walks on!" She said, louder then she meant to. The table quieted, no one quite sure what was going on or what she meant.

She glared at him from across the table and fled down the hall, stumbling in her rush down the stairs. Tears burst from her eyes in an uncontrollable flood as she locked herself in her cabin. The thoughts were still faint in her mind. Inara- mind obsessed with beauty when she was prettier than River felt she would ever be; Mal- wrenching his mind back from thinking about a girl. She didn't know who. She merely saw an outline with long, dark, wavy hair and deep, sultry eyes. Scratch that. You'd have to be some kind of sa gua not to know Mal was obsessing over Inara. Again.

Child. That's what they treated her like. A child. Not that she blamed them. How else would they act? She was dangerous- unpredictable. Most of the crew, if not downright frightened, were edgy around her, as though she were a volcano. River found this mental picture funny. Instead of tears, she saw fire pouring from her eyes. "River of lava coming from River. Is the girl on fire or is the fire in the girl?" She giggled through her tears.

If only there were some way to get them to stop treating her like a little girl. "A girl is seventeen. She doesn't want to be a toddler. Can't breath for coughing on the smoke," she mumbled. At least Mal. There was nothing in the hun dan 'verse could keep Simon from babying her, and Kaylee as well, but the one who really bothered her in his condescension was Mal. It wasn't like she wasn't able to take care of herself. She had saved their lives on more than one occasion.

Maybe if she didn't look so childish...

"Social concepts of female beauty..." she mumbled, and a small smile played across her lips as she fingered a lock of hair and climbed into her bunk.

_Did you ever feel  
Sunlight on your face?  
Did you ever taste clouds?  
Did you ever touch space?  
Did you ever feel  
Sunlight on your face?  
Did you ever truly live?_

While River debated to herself and eventually fell asleep below, above the crew were doing their best to go about their normal nightly business. The dishes were cleared and stacked, Wash set the controls into locked autopilot, and everyone headed for bed in their respective cabins. All but Mal that is.

The captain paced around the ship, his mind too full to let him rest. What was wrong with him? Letting the feng le girl in like that. Who knows what she saw in his head. And those thoughts were private, not to mention troublesome. With the amount of turmoil they were causing him, who knows what ill-affect they would have on the crew.

River slept on, one hand peacefully clutching her now-tangled hair. Dreams crashed against her mind and for once they weren't full of needles, but rather the sort of peace that only comes when a long dilemma has been resolved.

River slept

Mal didn't.

**Author Note: I plan to be updating this at least weekly, assuming my work load doesn't absolutely crush me. I'm hoping it doesn't. I sincerely hope people stick with this, even if it is MalRiver. I heartily support them. Ta.**


	2. Compicated

**Disclaimer: I don't own Firefly, nor do I have any rights to the characters or settings included in the following story. The song "Little Earthquakes" belongs to Tori Amos and I claim absolutely no credit for it. **

**_Concepts of Time_ **

**_Chapter One: Complicated _**

_Yellow bird flying  
Get shot in the wing  
good year for hunter  
And Christmas parties  
And I hate and I hate  
And I hate and I hate  
Elevator music _

River's cabin was relatively bare. Apart from the bunk and the small wall shrine Mal hadn't bothered to remove, there was little to suggest the room was even inhabited, let alone that a bright, young, seventeen-year-old girl lived there. When he liberated her from the alliance, Simon had remembered to bring few clothes, but he had thought to bring the only material thing she really cared about: her treasure chest. It was a small carved jewelry box, though it no longer housed jewels. It was polished mahogany and had belonged to River's grandmother.

River had been closer to her than anyone except Simon. The old woman hadn't understood her, but she also never tried to. Grandmere had known how unique River was, and accepted it without any understanding.

The box didn't hold much. It was only about six inches square. Nobody would really find the things in it of much importance, but for River they meant the world. Indeed, they were the only part of the past she had left. Her favorite was a small dried sprig of agastache foeniculum... lavender. She loved the delicate scent and the way the dry, ridged stem felt in her hand. Other treasures surrounded the cloth-wrapped flower: a smooth river stone carved with her initials, a bit of silky blue cloth, and a shiny-smooth silver knife in a leather sheath.

Her first coherent day on Serenity, she had hidden it. Balancing delicately on the headboard edge of her bed, River had lifted out one of the ceiling tiles and stored her precious box safely in the dark opening provided. Only then, sure Serenity was protecting her only reminders of home, was she able to sleep.

Now, asleep below the hidden compartment, River tossed and turned in her sleep. Voices floated in and out of her mind as she ever so slowly crept back towards light and consciousness. She sat up and listened intently to apparently nothing. Was she the only one awake? Sometimes it was hard to tell. She could hear the other's dreams in much the same way she could sense their thoughts, the ideas and dialogues slipping in and out of her mind, floating ever-present at the edge of her strange sixth sense.

She cast her mind out, searching for anyone else who was awake. Here and there she got caught up in various dreams. Jayne was particularly hard to get out of, as he was involved in a rowdy brawl of a dream, full of fighting and voluptuous ladies in wisps of silk that could barely be considered clothing. River tugged at her hair absently and wrenched herself to the next room. Zoe and Wash were lying entwined, dreaming about each other. She fought the urge to stay and watch their dream, but decided regretfully that it would be rude.

There was Inara, dreaming of balls and a tall man with tousled hair and… River hurriedly moved on. She had no desire to see any more of **that** dream. Kaylee was rolling restlessly around in her hammock, smiling in her sleep. She caught a glimpse of strawberries, smiled and moved on. River didn't even bother checking in on Simon. He would be asleep, as he always was. He was such a good, proper boy, especially for someone on the lamb after kidnapping his kid sister. She was sure he was dreaming good, proper dreams about medicine and courtship. River sighed slightly. So predictable. She loved him more than anything, but sometimes…

Tiredly she reached out towards the last presence. She didn't know why she was even bothering. It wasn't like he would be…

Awake. He was awake. Or at least, he wasn't in his cabin. Excitedly she cast her mind over the rest of the ship. Where was he?

_We danced in graveyards _

_With vampires till dawn _

_We laughed in the faces of kings _

_Never afraid to burn _

_And I hate and I hate _

_And I hate and I hate _

_Disintegration _

Mal was pacing again. They hadn't had a job in weeks. Seemed like all he did these days was pace, considering there was nothing else to do. They had a little saved up, but it wasn't going to carry them much farther.

He needed to stop pacing. He needed to focus. This was important. Mal ran an impatient hand through his short brown hair and sighed. His travels about the ship had taken him to the balconies above the cargo bay. Leaning back against the railing, he gazed up at the ceiling of his beautiful boat. How he loved Serenity. He patted the railing in an almost tender motion.

A bang sounded from his right. Years of military service dictated his movements. He spun, pulling a gun from his side holster and training it on whoever made the noise.

It was River.

She looked at him calmly, a slight smile of her face as she looked at him. Mal grinned sheepishly at her and returned his gun to its holster. Never were his military habits so awkward as in times like this.

"Sorry. You startled me is all. Like to make a man twitchy, thinking he's the only one awake on a big boat like this." He smiled again, apologetically and she abruptly waved a hand at him.

"No apology required or accepted. Girl did the sneaking," she tilted her head to the side. "Like to make anyone twitchy", she said, lightly mimicking Mal. Suddenly her eyes grew serious. "But preoccupied now. A girl interrupts. What is causing so many difficulties so late-early?"

Mal sighed. "Nothing to worry your head about. You should get yourself to sleep."

"Don't need to. Sleep is unnecessary to the process. If Mal won't unburden himself to the girl, the girl could make him…" River trailed off, a slight laugh to her voice.

_Is she… teasing me?_ Mal wondered. He'd never thought of River as the teasing type. She was crazy, yes, but still… "Fine. Don't go poking in my brain."

"Girl never pokes. Just prods, gently."

He smiled tiredly. "I'm just wondering on where our next job is coming from. Got to pay to keep Serenity afloat and since the location of said money isn't obvious, well, I'm not so sure where our next stop is." He fell silent, relieved, if somewhat taken aback by finding a sympathetic ear from the feng le girl.

River stared at the ground, pensively. She was barefoot, as usual on the ship. Her long, gauzy skirt swirled around her knees as she stared at the ground for a moment. Unsure what she was up to, Mal didn't interrupt her reverie.

Her head shot up and she looked at him quizzically, neck leaning slightly to the side, lending her the air of an inquisitive animal. "Why hasn't Mal called the contact?"

"What contact?" he asked, taken aback. "I called them all."

She pursed her lips. "Liar. Mal never called the others. The other ones. The ones he doesn't like. Foolish impetuous decisions based on pre-existing prejudice lead only to disaster." She shrugged at the aghast look on Mal's face. " 'Road to hell is paved with good intentions'" she quoted. "Silly philosophers. The road to hell is paved only with inaction and foolish caution."

"How…" Mal shook his head slowly, trying to get rid of the sensation that his brain was clogged with syrup. River always made him feel like he was a step behind. "How did you know about them? I haven't even suggested them to Zoe after what happened last time!"

River only laughed softly, eyes sparkling. "Mal should call. Existence on air is entirely impossible."

She watched him for a few more moments. On impulse she darted forward and, before Mal could even raise an arm to… stop her?... she had planted a quick kiss on his cheek. Pulling back, she looked him over with obvious satisfaction and managed to disappear as quickly as she'd come.

Mal stared after her, absently holding a finger to the mark on his cheek. Rubbing it absently, he leaned against the rail once more. He had a lot to think about.

_Oh these little earthquakes  
Here we go again  
These little earthquakes  
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces _

Once more in her secluded little room, the brown-haired girl reclined, her eyes closed but breathing still too irregular to suggest sleep. The whispery echoes of dreams drifted through her now far more relaxed mind, drawing her notice but not her concentration. What did draw her concentration was the tumult of confused and muddled thoughts coming from somewhere on the other side of the ship.

There was the consideration of the contacts he had been avoiding. That didn't particularly interest River. He would most likely take her advice, unless some other extraordinary piece of luck came their way in the next, oh, hour or so. But there was something else. Something odd flowing under the conscious thoughts, debates, and decisions. River hummed softly to herself. All would reveal itself. It always did.

And for the second time that night, she drifted off to sleep.

**A/N. There's nothing I can possibly do or say to apologize sufficiently for the unvelievably long hiatus. School's been beating the crap out of me, but more than that I just lost a lot of ideas and perspective in this story. I welcome all your thrown objects, be they eggs, bricks, or whatnot. Next chapter forthcoming.**


End file.
